The i lump
For weeks now, even months I have lived with a lump on my eye,. Nobody really knew what the lump was, nobody really know how it felt, seems as a lot of people have been asking about it recently I shall tell ye the story of the lump on ones eye.
One day I woke up and there was a small lump under my eye, it felt like I had a small thing under my eyelid, an oversized breadcrumb or something to that size. I didn’t worry as it was not causing me any pain; few weeks on the lump had gotten bigger, but ‘in my eyes’ it was still just a small lump. You could see the lump from a normal distance by now, especially when I looked down. To make matters worse, at a party I snapped a glow stick and the stuff inside went all over my eyeball, it burnt like a fucker but I just washed it. When people wanted to see if it was alright, I showed them the newly cleaned eyeball free of glow stick matter to which they would shout “what’s that lump, there’s a big lump on it go to the hospital” to which I replied, that’s been there for ages its an unrelated factor. Anyway days went on and the lump was normal, the glow stick caused no harm and life was normal.
A few weeks later the eye lump had become big red and kind of bulbous, but still it was necessarily huge. My family and friends convinced me I should see a doctor, only I don’t have a doctor because of university, so I went to see the temporary doctor in the shithole that is Whiston, my home ‘town’. The first doctor was some Latino woman; she said it was because I didn’t eat enough tomatoes, typical Latino woman, I don’t like tomatoes, so I wasn’t going to eat some of them.
I went back again a further 2 weeks time.
An old man stood there shaking, he was to be my doctor, he said it was a cyst and gave me some eye drops, I used them for weeks maybe even months, turns out you shouldn’t use them for longer than 3 weeks.
My next doctor was a scouse woman, she knew what it was and she gave me tablets for it, something that should have been done ages ago, that brought the lump down and made it all yellow and fat, ready to be ‘popped’ or ‘squeezed whatever.
I went back again to say…what are you going to do now, I was offered some more eye ointment. Absolutely pointless.
I went back one last time in a final attempt of sorting it out, and she gave me more ointment, and referred me to some unknown place, fucking stupid.
I decided going to a hospital would be a better plan, so I did, and I waited there in the triage thinking what’s going to happen, eventually a man came out and got me.
He asked a few questions, consulted his consultant, and gave the go ahead to cut it open.
The lump wasn’t ‘on’ my eyelid it was ‘in’ my eyelid so they had to turn it inside out to get at it. They shot a local aesthetic into my eyeball and laid me down. I lay there thinking what’s going to happen, are they going to syringe it out, are they going to suck it with some pipe or pipette.
No they simply stuck a knife in it an let the yellow sticky puss flow out all over my face and eyeball, they tried their best to clean it and then said “yeah we’re going to have to do it from the front as well”
Ho hum, they did it from the front and it hurt quite a bit, a knife stabbing at my eye, I hate things to do with eyes. Eventually they sat me up and put on an eye patch and made me look like some spesh, I took some more drugs and walked out. It wasn’t exactly over but they did it in seconds, the doctors couldn’t do it in months.
Now all I do is wait for the crustiness and flaky scab to fall off or heal whatever and its all over, the lump is removed but my eye is slightly woollen than normal.
One day I woke up and there was a small lump under my eye, it felt like I had a small thing under my eyelid, an oversized breadcrumb or something to that size. I didn’t worry as it was not causing me any pain; few weeks on the lump had gotten bigger, but ‘in my eyes’ it was still just a small lump. You could see the lump from a normal distance by now, especially when I looked down. To make matters worse, at a party I snapped a glow stick and the stuff inside went all over my eyeball, it burnt like a fucker but I just washed it. When people wanted to see if it was alright, I showed them the newly cleaned eyeball free of glow stick matter to which they would shout “what’s that lump, there’s a big lump on it go to the hospital” to which I replied, that’s been there for ages its an unrelated factor. Anyway days went on and the lump was normal, the glow stick caused no harm and life was normal.
A few weeks later the eye lump had become big red and kind of bulbous, but still it was necessarily huge. My family and friends convinced me I should see a doctor, only I don’t have a doctor because of university, so I went to see the temporary doctor in the shithole that is Whiston, my home ‘town’. The first doctor was some Latino woman; she said it was because I didn’t eat enough tomatoes, typical Latino woman, I don’t like tomatoes, so I wasn’t going to eat some of them.
I went back again a further 2 weeks time.
An old man stood there shaking, he was to be my doctor, he said it was a cyst and gave me some eye drops, I used them for weeks maybe even months, turns out you shouldn’t use them for longer than 3 weeks.
My next doctor was a scouse woman, she knew what it was and she gave me tablets for it, something that should have been done ages ago, that brought the lump down and made it all yellow and fat, ready to be ‘popped’ or ‘squeezed whatever.
I went back again to say…what are you going to do now, I was offered some more eye ointment. Absolutely pointless.
I went back one last time in a final attempt of sorting it out, and she gave me more ointment, and referred me to some unknown place, fucking stupid.
I decided going to a hospital would be a better plan, so I did, and I waited there in the triage thinking what’s going to happen, eventually a man came out and got me.
He asked a few questions, consulted his consultant, and gave the go ahead to cut it open.
The lump wasn’t ‘on’ my eyelid it was ‘in’ my eyelid so they had to turn it inside out to get at it. They shot a local aesthetic into my eyeball and laid me down. I lay there thinking what’s going to happen, are they going to syringe it out, are they going to suck it with some pipe or pipette.
No they simply stuck a knife in it an let the yellow sticky puss flow out all over my face and eyeball, they tried their best to clean it and then said “yeah we’re going to have to do it from the front as well”
Ho hum, they did it from the front and it hurt quite a bit, a knife stabbing at my eye, I hate things to do with eyes. Eventually they sat me up and put on an eye patch and made me look like some spesh, I took some more drugs and walked out. It wasn’t exactly over but they did it in seconds, the doctors couldn’t do it in months.
Now all I do is wait for the crustiness and flaky scab to fall off or heal whatever and its all over, the lump is removed but my eye is slightly woollen than normal.
THE END